Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
