How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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