i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
