I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
