i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
