so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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