I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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