we have officially lost it.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Randomize
