I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
