I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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