god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
