Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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