I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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