I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
the raccoons are back...
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