i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
