I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
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