Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
