I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
