Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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