well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
