I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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