she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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