1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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