Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
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All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
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This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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