She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
You pole danced in your parka.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Randomize
