I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
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my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
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He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"