Texts From Last Night

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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  I wanna come home

  (1-270): View more from Kentucky

  And do what?

  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.

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  (270): I wanna come home (1-270): And do what? (270): Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat. http://tfl.nu/i6u9
  Replies (4) Good night (2194) Bad night (402)
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.

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  (404): Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again. http://tfl.nu/0won
  Replies (20) Good night (2575) Bad night (1025) Order T-Shirt
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.

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  (505): He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis. http://tfl.nu/qfyr
  Replies (37) Good night (4134) Bad night (502) Order T-Shirt
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  (805): View more from California

  all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.

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  (805): all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl. http://tfl.nu/c5of
  Replies (14) Good night (792) Bad night (3959) Order T-Shirt
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom

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  (717): Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom http://tfl.nu/cpi6
  Replies (46) Good night (643) Bad night (8954) Order T-Shirt
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars

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  (615): one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars http://tfl.nu/tq7c
  Replies (14) Good night (899) Bad night (2983) Order T-Shirt
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  (989): View more from Michigan

  no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".

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  (989): no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed". http://tfl.nu/dmqo
  Replies (16) Good night (6414) Bad night (801) Order T-Shirt
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.

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  (419): I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight. http://tfl.nu/kz23
  Replies (46) Good night (8576) Bad night (1103) Order T-Shirt
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  (808): View more from Hawaii

  you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe

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  (808): you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe http://tfl.nu/mori
  Replies (4) Good night (4284) Bad night (693) Order T-Shirt
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  (315): View more from New York

  I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.

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  (315): I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine. http://tfl.nu/7gi6
  Replies (15) Good night (6441) Bad night (1272) Order T-Shirt
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  (501): View more from Arkansas

  My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?

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  (501): My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class? http://tfl.nu/2kq9
  Replies (10) Good night (774) Bad night (2946) Order T-Shirt
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"

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  (603): My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage" http://tfl.nu/888s
  Replies (2) Good night (1698) Bad night (516)
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  (910): View more from North Carolina

  i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit

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  (910): i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit http://tfl.nu/ocpj
  Replies (18) Good night (3867) Bad night (578)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how

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  (401): How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how http://tfl.nu/4odx
  Replies (17) Good night (1230) Bad night (410) Order T-Shirt
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  (404): View more from Georgia

  Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams. 

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  (404): Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.  http://tfl.nu/pssg
  Replies (4) Good night (876) Bad night (413) Order T-Shirt

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