Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time