i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
20 People Who Caught Their Significant Others Cheating and Hand Over Some Major Karma
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
33 Memes You’ll Find Uncomfortably Relatable If You’ve Ever Been Through A Messy Breakup
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment