Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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