My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
He felt like a one man threesome
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.