I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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