If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
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