My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
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I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
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Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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