Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
You coming home soon, man?
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?