he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count