We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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