I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us