Texts From Last Night

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  (858): View more from California

  I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.

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  (858): I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell. http://tfl.nu/6q5z
  Replies (6) Good night (750) Bad night (2012)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice

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  (210): she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice http://tfl.nu/lxs5
  Replies (13) Good night (870) Bad night (3580)
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  (650): View more from California

  how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?

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  (650): how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths? http://tfl.nu/djnw
  Replies (15) Good night (6039) Bad night (975)
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  (845): View more from New York

  its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth

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  (845): its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth http://tfl.nu/7jau
  Replies (13) Good night (3932) Bad night (1170)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over

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  (412): Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over http://tfl.nu/fq6e
  Replies (6) Good night (1102) Bad night (3511)
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  (336): View more from North Carolina

  If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice

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  (336): If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice http://tfl.nu/pivk
  Replies (8) Good night (3738) Bad night (845)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  what do i owe you?

  (1-920): View more from Wisconsin

  $237.46 to be exact.

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.

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  (920): what do i owe you? (1-920): $237.46 to be exact. (920): if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it. http://tfl.nu/pegg
  Replies (9) Good night (2390) Bad night (803)
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  (724): View more from Pennsylvania

  Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs

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  (724): Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs http://tfl.nu/vayg
  Replies (5) Good night (1234) Bad night (519)
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  (618): View more from Illinois

  His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.

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  (618): His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark. http://tfl.nu/bjsg
  Replies (9) Good night (1319) Bad night (1492)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with

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  (727): Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with http://tfl.nu/m05i
  Replies (11) Good night (750) Bad night (1910)
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  (760): View more from California

  I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?

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  (760): I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right? http://tfl.nu/usy0
  Replies (1) Good night (394) Bad night (624)
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  (775): View more from Nevada

  The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that

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  (775): The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that http://tfl.nu/7hy2
  Replies (1) Good night (723) Bad night (510)
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  (402): View more from Nebraska

  There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.

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  (402): There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans. http://tfl.nu/d410
  Replies (4) Good night (962) Bad night (402)
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  (919): View more from North Carolina

  we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.

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  (919): we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise. http://tfl.nu/z0vg
  Replies (2) Good night (686) Bad night (284)
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  (813): View more from Florida

  Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.

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  (813): Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me. http://tfl.nu/mgc8
  Replies (6) Good night (432) Bad night (186)

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