Tap Here to view the Mobile Optimized TFLN
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Randomize
Follow @tfln