Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(330): View more from Ohio

thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.

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(213): View more from California

How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.

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(321): View more from Florida Space Coast

When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.

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(310): View more from California

I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers

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Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
Read it at the TFLN blog
(512): View more from Texas

want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.

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(530): View more from California

Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.

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(410): View more from Maryland

The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.

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(804): View more from Virginia

what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?

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(816): View more from Missouri

You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.

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