since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
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She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
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Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.