he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
