Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
