Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
