I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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