Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
