Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
