Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
