Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
