It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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