Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
