Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I need a burrito and a hug.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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