He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
