Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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