I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
