I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
