Three words: puerto rican gang bang
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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