a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Send help, water and tortillas.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
