Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
