Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Randomize
