quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Randomize
