some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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