turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize
