she takes plan B like it's going out of style
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
