Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
