While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
