One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
