I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
