No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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