operation have a gay friend backfired
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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