Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize
