he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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