I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
