Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
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