I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
This is classic penis vs brain.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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