She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
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