We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
