Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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