I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
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