remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Randomize
