First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
