She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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